Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
