the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
