Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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