Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
