We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
