she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Terrible idea I love it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
