somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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