Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
