Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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