Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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