I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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