After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK WHALES
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
