Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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