if i can run in heels then i can drive
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
