Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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