I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
