He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
