I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
