Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
