it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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