there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
