Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
