You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
