yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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