These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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