im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
