Plan B is the new Plan A
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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