i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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