Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Say something about gay babies.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
