Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
