Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
