I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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