dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
