I'm going to jail i love you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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