you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
