..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
