she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
