You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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