I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
