So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
