drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
