I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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