The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
