ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
