Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
