That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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