Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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