I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
