My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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