I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
